Tuesday, 3 February 2015

Supposed to be a cheery garden post!!

I am so unbelievably stressed, angry more than stressed if I'm honest. First I'd like to thank you all for your lovely, kind & thoughtful messages on my last post. xx

Grief is such a strange reaction, it hits us all differently. Grieving I'm not, there was a certain sadness of course there was. But seeing someone in the position my dad was & the toll it was taking there is a certain sense of relief. Harsh I may sound to some but I am an extremely honest person.

I had actively encouraged my father for several years to make a will. He brushed aside my conversations loudly stating I knew nothing about it. Actually I do know lots, the fact that I'm female had more to do with it, he was an extremely traditional old school man. Everything in his name you see nothing in my mothers, girlie's can't deal with things like that.

Naturally my dads estate has now gone to probate after me handing over a large wad of cash for the process to start. The probate forms I could deal with but I have neither time nor the inclination to deal with the tax man!

Looking on the positive & by god I needed to last week after dealing with my mother who was always sheltered from money etc by my father!

'I need your national insurance number' I asked her, 'My what' she replied. 'Oh it's on the front of my bank card' (debit card for those in the know) & on & on & on.

She has no id, her passport ran out last month. She chucks away all of her bank statements, pension details etc I found out so there is no blinking trace of her!!!!

Guess who is sorting it out, I'm going back to work tomorrow for a break!



Anyway, the lovely Mike took me out at the weekend for some seed potatoes. We're not doing many this year & as we are getting a few with our first plant delivery I was very well behaved. The fact there weren't many varieties on the fill your pots section helped. I picked a couple of varieties I hadn't grown before. One pot was filled with a mix of International Kidney the Jersey royal one & Ulster prince. The other pot was filled with Pink Fir Apple which we have grown before.

I also picked up a pack of mixed onion sets & a pack of shallots. I perused the garlic bulb selection hoping to find a hard neck variety for some garlic scapes as well as bulbs to harvest. It might be a bit late but we will see

The experience really did not do my stress levels any good with Mike using his phone to google which one to go for mid onion aisle. He kept on reading out how to grow the things. You can imagine the steam from my ears! After approximately forty minutes we decided to leave the garlic for next year then Mike had the idea of visiting another garden centre for the garlic.

I was very vocal on the point of it being a daft idea & upon Mikes insistence I stomped into the next garden centre. Imagine Mikes glee & my huge disappointment in finding  the very variety I had been after. Naturally I apologised (through gritted teeth)

Apologies for the old photo & my whine earlier on, the camera is on the blink & well I'm just slightly peeved. Enjoy your day xx

31 comments:

  1. I want to look for the low land variety of potato plant. The new variety is launched a couple of months ago. It really interested me. I have to learn a lot of things about growing potato on your blog.

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  2. I know exactly what you mean about sorting out your Dad's affairs. My MIL who is a widow went through the same phase. Now she is going on 90 and is worried because she can't find her own will. I'm sure you will eventually be able to get everything done - I have every respect for the Female's admin skills!!

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  3. It is a stressful time for you it will all come right over time, keep your chin up and breath, :-)

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  4. Poor you what a stressful time for you x

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  5. Poor you! Probate is no fun. And even my lovely hubby who is a solicitor found it a rigmarole, with hoop upon blooming hoop to jump through.
    I hope it all gets sorted in the end x

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  6. We had much the same with an Uncle, very stressful. Isn't it wonderful to thinking about the garden/allotment.

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  7. Best to let it all out Jo or you might explode in a less controlled manner later! I do sympathise, it must be extremely frustrating that you are having to pick up the pieces because your own advice wasn't taken. Keep breathing and keep going- it will all get done eventually and then you won't have to do it again. xx

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  8. My brother did not have a will, his son is not the nicest person and bullies his sister, so I have been supporting Sophie, it is a chore with every thing they want at probate. How ever you feel is OK, if it gets you through. My hubby often gets lucky and gets gardening things right, which makes him crow, I to will have gritted teeth.
    We have an appointment this week to update our wills.

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  9. I feel for you, I really do. My lovely Dad had everything in order and still things seemed so difficult with officialdom. So I can imagine how stressful things are for you at the moment. :-(

    Thank goodness the garlic situation is sorted. ;-)

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  10. I really sympathise Jo, I had a similar situation a while back with an elderly relative who would happily listen to the man from the bank ("You don't need a will, just an account with us, and make sure all your relatives have accounts with us as well and we'll just transfer your money to them when the time comes!!!") and took no notice of what two relatives in the legal profession were saying. I'm sorry you're having to sort out the mess left, it will no doubt be incredibly frustrating. Nice to see your potatoes lined up on the window sill, it seems like the start of it all. I hope you have a better and more relaxing week. CJ xx

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  11. I was so sorry to read your sad news in your last post Jo. Probate is a pain, made more frustrating by the fact that you tried your best to avoid it while there was still time. There's nothing harsh in not feeling grief, I think when loved ones have been ill for some time before they pass on the grieving has probably already been done. I hope you manage to get things sorted soon and warmest wishes to you and your family.
    Jane xx

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  12. Whine all you like - it can be just as much of a nightmare with a will in place and a solicitor acting as executor. A stressful time is made twice as stressful.

    I hope that things calm down a bit for you soon

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  13. So sorry that you are having this stress and aggravation Jo. It is the last thing that you need at a time like this, whatever the circumstances or other feelings that you may have. You are so right, make a blooming will and keep some records!!!! Aggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! Sorry!! The number of times that I told people this at my old job, I would have clients coming in with nothing. I was surprised some of them knew their names! Anyway, this is supposed to be your rant not mine. Just wanted to say that I understand somewhat and that you are not the first person to go through this - not that it makes it any better! You will get through it and when it is all sorted the good thing is that you will get your Mum to make a will and keep her affairs in good order so that when the next sad day comes you will not have so much stress - I hope anyway. I doubt that I can do anything other than listen, but I am always here to listen if you need. Take care of yourself, have a nice rest at work. Sending love and hugs your way! xxxx

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  14. Having to go through such rigmaroles at the best of times is bad enough, but having to jump through hoops like this at such a dreadful time is absolutely terrible. I hope you get it all sorted out soon.

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  15. Hi Jo

    It is always a stressful time even when everythiing has been sewn up beforehand. Unfortunately my mum hadn't made a will so everything had to go through probate that seemed to take forever which meant the Solicitor also got something out of it too. D has recently renewed his will but now my three big ones are older I do need to amend mine again. Don't think they need a named guardian at nearly 30 even if the child in question thinks he's Peter Pan. Another thing to add to the to do list. Keep smiling that's all you can do and everyone grieves in their own way not everyone has to be an emotional wreck.

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  16. My MIL has recently had to deal with a family members probate. From her rants on the phone you are not alone in getting cross and frustrated with it.
    Love and virtual hugs being sent to you hun

    X x

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  17. We went through the whole "where's the Will" episode with my parents. Luckily I was able to convince my dad to prepare a new set at the lawyers. It saved us a huge hassle later on. We had Powers of Attorney prepared at the same time. All done just in the nick of time as Dad then fell to Alzheimer's and my mom died. Having the Power of Attorney signed by my dad was the best thing. He clearly was unable to handle his own affairs, but still able to understand that his kids were managing his affairs and 'forcing' him to live in a nursing home. There was a lot of anger and fear on his part that he no longer had control. If we didn't have the Power of Attorney, our hands would be tied, and with his Alzheimer's who knows what he might have done with his finances and his house. But I know the frustration of getting these things organized. There were months of arguments, confusion and scrambling to get all things in place at banks etc. Everything will finally fall into proper order again for you and your mom too, just hang in there. Having your gardening to distract you on the side is a perfect outlet. It's sometimes hard to shake all the worries off when you get back into your own home. Having a good rant always helps too ... just look at all this support in return :) Take care, Wendy x

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  18. You are not alone!
    Go in the garden and have a scream!
    Jane x

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  19. I'm sending you a virtual hug. All things must pass, thankfully.

    Jean
    x

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  20. I'm sorry for everything that is going on. I've missed your posts lately because I'm having problems with both of the blog feed readers that I use. Lots of hugs to you, it will all work out in the end. I wish you didn't feel so stressed now, though. Take care of yourself.

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  21. I hope that life in general settles down for you soon. Let's hope for warmer weather so we can get working in the garden again. Take care. Flighty xx

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  22. Keep calm and have more gin x

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  23. I'm sorry to read about the sad and frustrating time you are having, but I'm pleased that you are looking ahead and planning your crops. Although the garlic purchasing was stressful. I hope that when you harvest that garlic, things will have become less fraught and that you will be able to relax. Please be kind to yourself.

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  24. Be patient with your Mum, sadly we don't understand old age until we get there.
    Briony
    x

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  25. Joanne,
    So sorry to hear that the whole mess is ending up in the courts, our parents came from a different era that is proving so frustrating for the ones left to make sense of it all. We went through nightmare after nightmare with my father-in-law which makes me love my parents more for having a grasp on their future and have taken care of what will someday be their end.
    My thoughts and prayers are for you.
    Doc

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  26. I hope everything is sorted soon I know where you are coming from I had the same sort of problems when my mum died I had to deal with it all brothers are useless at least mine was he didn't have a clue. It will get sorted it just seems it takes forever, enjoy thoughts of your garden it will be spring soon. :) xxx

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  27. Sending happy thoughts to you and hopefully lots of spuds in the near future!

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  28. I hope you work everything out friend. I will be thinking of you as you sort all of this out. And I'm glad you were able to visit the garden center to take your mind off of things. I need to plant some onions this year. Wishing you a good day tomorrow...Nicole xo

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  29. Sounds like you have a big load on your shoulders. It's a good thing you're a strong woman. Sorry to hear about your dad's passing. It might take a while but things will get settled and work themselves out. Hang in there! There are brighter days ahead.
    Xx Beca

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  30. I would absolutely dread having to sort out someone's estate after they died. We have all made wills and I know (more or less) what needs to be done. At least I hope I do. I'm sorry that people made comments that really shouldn't have been made. We have to deal with things in ourt own way. By the way, I live in Ulster and have never seen Ulster Prince potatoes.

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  31. I'm so sorry to read about the sad news. I hope its getting better and you are able to sort things out. Yes Sometimes as children we need to take control as parents are getting older.
    Take care of yourself and your mum!

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