Monday, 7 November 2016
Hello, goodness I really have been missing in action.
After more than four weeks in hospital my mum passed away last Thursday at 4 am. Mike was with me. Just as well really as I ahem slept through the event itself. He said he tried to wake me with a loud whisper but decided to get a nurse before scampering back to wake me up properly.
Even though they were hoping to discharge her to a community hospital for rehabilitation she took a turn for the worse last Sunday and after being summoned that morning it is where I stayed until she passed away.
While naturally I miss her I am greatly relieved to have my life back and I make no apology for that. Both my parents were deeply unhappy people, disliked each other, suspicious of other people, vindictive and very inward looking. They were however excellent grandparents who deeply and unconditionally loved their grandchildren and this love was returned back to them.
It is this that I choose to focus on. I made the decision a long long time ago I never wanted to be like my parents. I know how lucky I am to have Mike and my children with the laughter and closeness which was lacking from my childhood.
I have no grief as such, just a sense of sadness of two lives wasted due to choosing to fill them with unhappiness.
I've often wondered where my strong sense of spirit came from. The ability to face up to what life throws in my way. I came face to face with it Wednesday evening when my ninety year old aunt barged her way through to the room where my mum was. There was no holding her back at 9 pm!
She looked at her youngest sister who was in a coma and bellowed 'Well the smoking never helped did it' Erm quite possibly not but it isn't the reason she is like this. My aunt then proceeded to tell us about how she dismantled her mower that day as it wasnt working properly. It was a slightly surreal hour which I spent trying not to laugh. I did laugh after she left and Mike remarked 'I've just met you forty odd years on'!
So that my dears is me. I have an afternoon of sewing planned and some bloggy catch up this morning x